Salt n’ Pepa weren’t sure if they should talk about it, but I’m sure married couples should. Sex can be a great unifier in marriage, or a deep divider. Sex isn’t just for reproduction; it’s also a physical expression of love for married couples.
I’ve spoken with different couples about their communication in this realm and without exception, couples who talk to each other about sex have a happier sex life.
The hit hip-hop track “Let’s Talk About Sex” in 1991 had some redeeming value as far as telling couples what they should be talking about:
Sex “should be” anything the partnership wants it to be. Each should be open, honest, and willing to talk about what they like and don’t like, what they want and don’t want, and what they’re comfortable and uncomfortable with.
Frequency of sex should also be discussed. The world would have us think it has to be every day and if its not, something’s wrong. Talk about how often works for both of you and come to a compromise. Remember there are times she won’t be able to, you need to respect that; don’t make her feel bad for it with words or attitude. If the only time you’re physical with you spouse is when you want sex, she’s probably not going to want it as much.
The goal in this communication is to avoid a situation where both husband and wife are dissatisfied with their sex life together. Talking about “it” can help keep both of you faithful to each other.
Here’s the practical advice:
- Don’t Be Embarrassed – If there’s one person in the world you can have these conversations with, it’s you’re wife.
- Be a Grown Up - You’re not in 5th grade. Use words that tell each other what you really mean. Don’t call the others thoughts stupid, or laugh at what they tell you, this will close down communications rather than open them.
- Be Considerate – It won’t be amazing for both of you every time, so don’t expect that. Talking to each other to find out what will make it better for both of you. Sometimes, make it just about her.
- Touch Her – Don’t limit physical touch to only when you want to make love. Don’t grope her, but use touch as a gentle reminder throughout your daily life that you are attracted to your wife and want to be close to her. Again, find what’s comfortable for both of you (e.g. hold hands, play footsie)
- Set a Goal – Just like any other desire for improvement, you have to know where you are, know where you want to go and make a road map to get there. If you want to have sex once a week, set that goal together and work towards it.
Above all else: Love Your Wife